


way up high

by linderella



Series: fictober 2018 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, Discussions of PTSD, Fictober 2018, I am bad at tags, M/M, Sad Sam, They like each other but dance around it, WarFalcon, rhodeysam, samrhodey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linderella/pseuds/linderella
Summary: hello!! this is day one of fictober 2018 from fictober.tumblr.com!! day one is is, "can you feel this?" which of course has to be set into motion by an underrated and beautiful ship, rhodeysam. <3





	way up high

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is day one of fictober 2018 from fictober.tumblr.com!! day one is is, "can you feel this?" which of course has to be set into motion by an underrated and beautiful ship, rhodeysam. <3

The room is too loud. It’s too crowded, too alight with energy for someone standing around in a three piece suit. Rhodey tries to stick around, tries not to let on about how obviously uncomfortable he is. He’s had his eye on the balcony all night, but every time he tries to inch his way over to the doors, someone always has to jump in and ask him a question, or offer him a compliment.

 

In all honesty, he’s not much of a guy for these types of events, anyway. He mostly just comes for Tony’s sake. 

 

Well. That and all the complimentary champagne that he wants. Which is usually a lot, considering these types of events are completely devoid of any enjoyment whatsoever without a couple of drinks. Then he’s able to loosen up a little.

 

When he’s finally able to slip through the back door and onto the balcony, he’s disappointed to find that he isn’t the only one here that’s had the same thought. Someone is leaning over the edge of the balcony, a glass of champagne untouched in his left hand. He doesn’t even turn to look at Rhodey, instead keeping his posture stiff and straight.

 

For a moment, Rhodey considers going back inside. He looks over his shoulder, at the room filled with people, dressed in suits and gowns that probably cost more than Rhodey’s entire wardrobe, if he’s honest. The thought about spending the remainder of the evening in that room is much less appealing than awkwardly hanging out on the balcony with someone else. 

 

Rhodey shuffles across the balcony, and the man finally turns around. Rhodey recognizes Sam right away, sort of surprised that he hadn’t noticed he’d slipped outside earlier. His ears immediately heat up, because he hasn’t ever actually seen Sam in a suit before, but he’s definitely sure that it’s something he really, really likes. His tie is loose around his neck, the first few buttons of his shirt left open.

 

Sam waves, the corner of his mouth tugging at an unconvincing smile. Rhodey doesn’t know what to make of this. He wonders if he should give Sam some privacy, or if he should make sure he’s alright.

 

He is standing on the edge of a balcony, after all.

 

“You alright?” He asks, joining him beside the guardrail, looking out at the skyline in silence. Sam doesn’t answer right away, just taps his fingers on the cold metal that he’s got his fingers curled around. Finally, he presses his lips together.

 

“I don’t know,” He admits, shaking his head. “Am I allowed to say that?”

 

Rhodey shrugs. “Want to unload it on someone? I’ve been told I’m a great listener. You upset at someone? I’ll take your side. If you’re feeling insecure...I’ll gas you up. I’ve got your back, just let me know what gear to turn this pep talk to.”

 

Sam doesn’t react, which is probably a bad sign since Sam always laughs at Rhodey’s jokes. Even when they’re not funny. Instead, he just drags his hand across his face, looking tired. Rhodey wonders if he’s drunk, despite the untouched alcohol he’s holding in his free hand. 

 

Finally, Sam speaks up. “Today is my anniversary.”

 

Rhodey pretends that this doesn’t take him back, considering he’s had some sort of crush on Sam for months now. He’d always assumed they were flirting back and forth, even though they’d done nothing more than hang out as friends ( _ although _ , if he’s honest, that time they got dinner really seems like a date to him). Rhodey coughs into his hand, trying not to sound forced when he replies, “Didn’t realize you were married.”

 

Sam raises an eyebrow like he’s confused for a second, then shakes his head adamantly and with conviction. “Oh my god,” He lets out a short laugh. “No, no. I’m not married. Sorry. It sounded like that, Jesus.”

 

Rhodey hopes that the relief isn’t too recognizable on his face, so instead he leans forward onto the guardrail, bumping his shoulder against Sam’s. “So, anniversary of what?”

 

“Coming home,” He remarks, his eyes anywhere but meeting Rhodey’s. “I’ve told you that I did two tours, right? Anyway, this was the day I came back from my second tour. Mom and Dad rolled up to the airport completely solo and drove me home. Had my favorite food waiting for me on the table and everything.”

 

Rhodey smiles softly. “Sounds nice.”

 

Sam laughs harshly, shaking his head. “Yeah, it does sound nice. Except for the fact that I wasn’t the same, I guess. The entire dinner was almost entirely silent. Couldn’t even enjoy it because I just wanted to go back to my room and lock the door.”

 

“God,” Rhodey sighs, because he knows that feeling. Knows the way he used to close the door on his siblings, avoiding checking his voice mailbox because he didn’t want to be reminded of all of the people in his life that he was letting down. “I’m sorry. I’ve been there. It isn’t easy.”

 

“Sometimes I think,” Sam begins, and he finally looks at Rhodey with a defeated facial expression. “That things are better now, that part of my life is behind me, you know? I moved into my own place, I started helping other guys out at the VA. I can even get myself up in the morning to go on a run before sunrise.”

 

Rhodey nods. “But…?”

 

“But,” Sam affirms. “Then I come to stuff like this, and it’s so suffocating. I feel like I’m playing a part, and it’s not very convincing. And then I remember that I’m  _ still _ stuck on whatever happened to me over there, I guess.”

 

Rhodey rests his hand on Sam’s shoulder, trying to be as sincere as possible. “It doesn’t work like that. Everyone has days, you know. Even me. It’s just a natural part of recovery, and it’s just a process. You’re doing fine.”

 

“I just feel like there are days that I can’t  _ feel anything _ , you know? I wake up but it’s like the rest of me is still asleep, and then I spend the entire day just completely at the mercy of anyone I come across.”

 

Rhodey nods. “Yeah. Sometimes I don’t even get out of bed for hours, even if I have stuff to do. Plans with friends? Forget it. A date? Tell them I’m sick. I just end up feeling so hollow that I’ll life right off the ground.” He reaches over and places his hand over the top of Sam’s, waiting for any sort of sign that Sam wants him to back off. Instead, he intertwined their fingers.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam shakes his head, disappointed with himself. “I’m ruining the party, aren’t I? I’m sure you didn’t come out here to hear me unload my mental health on you.”

 

“You kidding?” Rhodey shrugs. “I would  _ much  _ rather spend the entire evening listening to you than being stuck in that room with all those stuck up rich people.”

 

Sam chuckles, rubbing his thumb against the back of Rhodey’s hand. He looks out at the skyline again, examining the lights below and the gridlock of streets and apartment buildings. He takes his first sip of the glass of champagne in his hand. “Well. At least there’s free champagne.” He allows.

 

Rhodey nods. “That  _ is  _ a nice perk, I’ll give you that.”

 

They fall into comfortable silence for a moment, listening to the whistle of the wind and the bursts of city life below. The sound of tires rolling across the asphalt, their horns loud and obnoxious, never exactly the same as the one before. If you listen carefully, you can even hear the sound of sirens way off.

 

Rhodey clears his throat. “What you said about not being able to feel,” He starts, his eyes locked on Sam’s. “I mean...I’ve been there. It comes and goes, I guess. It’s been longer for me. I guess what I’m getting at is...it’s still hard for me some days, but it’s gotten a lot better as the time passes. It took me so long to let myself be vulnerable with the people I loved again. So, thanks for sharing with me. It really means a lot to me.”

 

Sam’s eyes look almost misty when he says this, and he shakes his head. He sets the glass of champagne on the railing, clearly not concerned with the glass toppling over from the small gusts of wind that keeps hitting them.

 

“Can you feel this?” Sam asks, and he brings his left hand up to cup Rhodey’s jaw. He leans forward and Rhodey lets himself relax to the touch, bringing his hand to the back of Sam’s neck. 

 

Rhodey doesn’t really know how he’s imagined their first kiss, but somehow it’s better than he’d been waiting for. Sam’s thumb is resting on Rhodey’s collarbone, his nose pressed into the curve of Rhodey’s cheek. His stubble is scratchy and rough, but Rhodey can’t get enough of it. Sam presses himself closer, falling into a rhythm. Their hands are still intertwined at their side, unbroken since Sam had closed them together. 

 

When they finally pull apart, it feels like something has shifted. A change in the weather. Maybe a change of outcome. 

 

“Yes,” Rhodey replies after a moment. He leans forward again, this time pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of Sam’s mouth. “Did you?”

 

Sam squeezes his hand. “Yeah.”


End file.
